Kings, Swords, Crows and Dragons

Epilogue 944

Mon, 22 Oct 2012 14:51:01 -0400

The eunuch is back! This is not good news for Kevan Lannister. It seems that if you’re the POV character in a prologue or epilogue, you’re not going to have a good time. I think they’ve all died.

AGOT: Kid beyond the wall killed by wights.
ACOK: Maester poisons himself trying to kill Mel.
ASOS: Black Brother dies shortly after the prologue / Frey hanged by Zombie Cat.
AFFC: Poor old Pate.
ADWD: Man beyond the wall wargs into a wolf as his human body dies (presumably he’s still alive via the wolf)

And of course that leaves us with Kevan. Shot by Varys with lots of tiny little stab wounds from his little birds, just to make sure. After the crossbow but before the knives Varys manages to fill Kevan in on his plan for Aegon, that he has been groomed since birth to rule. This sits just fine with me. If he wants to fight for the throne and take it back, by all means, go for it. That’s how Robert did it, and how the Targaryens did it 300 years before. We readers are quite often reminds of the Mad King and how terrible he was, but overall the Targs seem like pretty competent rulers. 300 years of relative peace, certainly when compared to the last couple years in Westeros.

In addition to Kevan’s death, maester Pycelle bites it as well. Kev sees his body as he enters his chamber, Varys took him out first. We also see the official Citadel white bird of winter. Because it’s not really winter until you’re told as much.

Before he took a crossbow bolt to the guy Kevan had some important Hand business to tend to. The council talked about Cersei and her upcoming trial by battle. It seems that there are definitely some suspicions about the true identity of Robert Strong. If it’s anything but Zombie Gregor I will be shocked. That’s kind of the only thing he can be. They also talk of Connington and the Targaryen “pretender”, they must crush them etc. and so forth. And of course the crown has no money left and debts are being called in (thanks Cersei!)

A pretty solid epilogue to what turned out to be a pretty solid installment of ASOIAF. It’s hard to rank them without seeing them as a whole, but I’d go with: ASOS, AGOT, ACOK, ADWD, AFFC. With AFFC being the only one I really felt was a chore to get through. If I ever do re-read them though, I bet it will be easier.

So now I wait, as so many have been already. It sucks not having the next book waiting for me. When I started I had 5000+ pages in front of me, it seemed like I would just never reach the end. Or that if I did, surely the next 1000 pages would be ready by then. Ha. GRRM writes at his own pace and it is that of a snail’s. The Winds of Winter is sure to have much more action, which AFFC and ADWD was sorely lacking. I guess that’s what happens when your master plan for an epic fantasy series falls apart when you decide to change things in the middle (referring to his planned time jump after ASOS, but he instead just went ahead and wrote AFFC and ADWD, giving us the unfortunate chronological split).

Anyway, my next post won’t be until TWOW hits my Kindle. Unlike these last couple books I will write all those summaries/thoughts in real time as I read it. I will likely burn through the book much faster as well since getting through just one will be a much easier task than getting through all five. And to avoid spoilers.

Thanks for reading and I’ll see you whenever GRRM decides it’s time for us to continue A Song of Ice and Fire!

Daenerys 929

Tue, 02 Oct 2012 08:54:15 -0400

Things aren’t looking all that great for Dany. She can’t control Drogon, she’s starving, lost, and it sure seems like she’s riding the pale mare. She’s also getting her moon’s blood, I thought that was over with after the events of AGOT, but maybe it’s a symptom of the flux. Or maybe the witch’s words are coming true. A sun rose in the west and set in the east, mountains blew in the wind like leaves, and now all she needs is for a child to quicken in her womb. How fucking awesome would it be if KHAL FUCKING DROGO found her at the end of this chapter? As little sense as it would have made I think I would have loved it.

Instead she’s found by another Khal in the final line of the chapter and GRRM has a couple years to figure out what to do with her.

The Queen’s Hand 914

Mon, 01 Oct 2012 08:55:27 -0400

Quentyn is officially dead, it just took a few days. Third degree dragon burns will do that. Barristan has sent the Green Grace to talk to the Yunkai, but doesn’t believe it will actually change anything, so he continues planning for an attack. He wants to send Quentyn’s friends to the Tattered Prince during this battle to try and get the hostages sent back. This will probably not work.

Green Grace returns and shocker, the Yunkai will only be reasonable when the dragons are dead. Fair enough, really. In the meantime they begin flinging six trebuchet’s worth of corpses into Meereen. It’s a damn shame we won’t be seeing this battle until The Winds of Winter, what the hell is going on GRRM, give us the good stuff!

Jon 899

Sun, 30 Sep 2012 09:00:12 -0400

He ain’t dead, I’m calling that right now, probably along with every other reader. But he was stabbed at least four times, so that sucks. I mean, he might die, but he won’t stay dead. Mr. Snow is just far too important in this world to go out like a sucka.

But then again, this IS A Song of Ice and Fire. More on this in my ADWD Final Thoughts post.

Before his brothers betray him, Jon receives a letter form Ramsay. Well, it says it’s from Ramsay, btu I have my doubts. He has allegedly killed Stannis and Mance and wants his bride back. I’m fairly confident that Stannis is not dead, at least not yet. I don’t think Mance is dead either, but I’m not as confident. Ramsay, or someone posing as Ramsay, is trying to get under Jon’s skin. He resolves to go to Winterfell and sort this shit out, but he will go alone. Jon is not one to force oathbreaking upon others. But wildlings are free to come, and plenty join up with him. He sends his black brothers on a rescue mission to Hardhome. It’s really a terrible idea, he’s guaranteeing lots of death, but I guess he feels those saved from being turned to Ice Zombies will be worth it.

The Dragontamer 887

Sat, 29 Sep 2012 08:57:05 -0400

It was Quentyn and crew who loosed the dragons. Not on purpose, they meant to steal them, but come on now, fucking dragons, yeah right. They got the guard’s code word for the day (“dog”) which got them as far as the door to the dragon’s pit. It’s ok though, they won the fight and got in. This is where the real trouble begins.

You see Quentyn, THESE ARE DANY’S DRAGONS. And they even spit fire at her. So you don’t stand a chance. Targ blood or no, you’re done. I mean maybe he pulls through due to that blood of the dragon nonsense, but I’d bet a pretty penny that this means the end of QBall. And I don’t care. GRRM made the mistake of thinking we actually cared about this guy. If this is the only Big Scooby death of the book I’ll be really disappointed. He is barely even a Big Scooby anyway. We need someone who had a big part since AGOT to go down.

The Kingbreaker 872

Fri, 28 Sep 2012 08:57:06 -0400

Ser Barristan decides that the king needs to be taken down a peg or two. He conspires with the Shavepate and makes his way to the king’s bedroom. There is a kick ass fight, and since Selmy is smart enough to wear armor, he wins, spilling Khrazz’s guts all over the floor and taking Hizdahr into custody.

Chapter ends with a cupbearer bringing news: “Hey, by the way, the dragons are loose.” HELL YEAH.

Tyrion 860

Thu, 27 Sep 2012 12:35:08 -0400

Lil T signs away a shit ton of gold to get into the Second Sons. When that’s all done head heads out looking for armor and finds Penny. The dog and the pig are gone, she’s pissed, and he’s trying to play down the fact that they are almost certainly dead and eaten by now. Oh well, at least they probably weren’t raped, though if this were Westeros….

It seems that Penny has a case of the bloody flux, which is pretty much a death sentence. It’s ok though because she’ll likely die in battle first. Jorah shows up with a nippled breastplate and they await a fight. Tyrion’s got some plans to get the Second Sons to change sides, since he thinks they will lose. Of course he’s scheming, this is the Imp. We’ll find out exactly what that plan is in a few years.

Cersei 848

Wed, 19 Sep 2012 19:26:12 -0400

It still feels like these should have been in AFFC. I get that GRRM needed to split the books geographically instead of chronologically, but why not put everything he had for Jaime and Cersei into book 4? They added nothing here, at this point Cersei’s chapters are just a distraction from the real action happening across the Narrow Sea and up at the Wall.

But anyway, they shave her, everywhere, and parade her naked as the day she was born through King’s Landing. She takes it pretty well at first but by the end she is crying, crawling and bleeding. It’s all part of her atonement before trial by combat, and it’s confirmed that there is a new member of the kingsguard, Ser Robert Strong. Hopefully, AKA ZOMBIEGREGOR. which means we won’t see it in this book. GOD DAMMIT I don’t want to wait.

I wonder why Tommen is allowing all of this shit to happen to his mother. I guess he doesn’t really even know, Marg is keeping him company, but there’s no way Joff would stand for this.

The Ugly Little Girl 835

Tue, 18 Sep 2012 19:29:02 -0400

Her first assassin mission, and she comes up with a clever little plan to do it. Poison a coin, slip it into a payment, knowing that this dude bites all of his gold, and voila, one dead insurance agent.

We get a look into the Face Room, it seems that before you get to change your face magically like Jaqen did you get actual peeled faces graphed onto your skin, but still with some magic since Arya couldn’t feel any difference. I’m not totally clear on this. And it will probably not be made clear until we see it happen on TV. You know, when the actress who plays Arya is about 35 years old.

I like her little updates, unlike the other carryovers from AFFC I’m always happy to know what’s happening with Arya. Each of her chapters is like a little self-contained adventure that feels like it’s building up to something huge. Hopefully she is back to being a featured player in the next book. How does winter affect Essos anyway? So far it still seems pretty darn hot there.

Vicatarion 827

Mon, 17 Sep 2012 19:29:31 -0400

So Victarion is basically a serial killer at this point. He calls it sacrifices to the gods, but he is roaming the seas having a murderous good time. They’re headed towards MEereen, capturing every ship they find to add to their fleet, “freeing” the slaves aboard (by allowing them to live and continue rowing, but for Vic now), and killing just about everyone. He even fills up a small boat with pretty ladies and then just sets it afire, a sacrifice to both the Fire God and the Drowned Gods. I gotta say I’m not a fan of this guy.

Moqorro and Victarion take a look at the Dragon Horn and Moqorro explains that any mortal man who blows the horn will die. But regardless of who blows it, it will answer to its master, who must be bound to it with blood. So I guess Vic will just have to continue killing folk and somehow bid the horn to himself. I’ll find out in a couple years.

The Sacrifice 814

Sun, 16 Sep 2012 19:29:29 -0400

“March, I said, and before the moon can turn, we’ll all be bathing in the blood of Freys and Boltons.” -Arnolf Karstark

We’re back with Asha and given the title of this chapter I was sure it was time for her to burn. She’s got kingsblood after all, and we’re due for a big death. Instead we get a family reunion at the end, which is good enough I suppose.

Before that though, four men are burned at the stake for cannibalism/as a sacrifice. Winter fucking sucks man, Ned knew what was up. There’s lots of description of just how much it sucks, killing men and horses and all of that. The real meat of the chapter is the last couple pages, our favorite Braavosi Banker shows up looking for Stannis. And he’s got Theon and FakeArya with him. This is likely the last we’ll hear of these Greyjoys until The Winds of Winter.

The Griffin Reborn 801

Sun, 16 Sep 2012 17:04:55 -0400

The invasion of Winterfell has officially begun. Connington has retaken his father’s seat as the rest of his ships make their way to various locations in the Stormlands. We get a history of the castle and Connington, poor guy just chose the wrong side back when Robert rebelled. If only he had been more like Tywin, burning the town instead of searching for Robert, history would have been a great deal different.

No matter, he failed Rhaegar but hopes to make up for it with Aegon, but this greyscale is a ticking time bomb. He’s using shitty wine as a vinegar substitute to treat it, but it’s probably not doing much good. This shit seems nasty, and he’s right, he should have just let Tyrion drown. Would have sucked for us readers but he wouldn’t have this dreaded sickness.

They plan to take Storm’s End as a show of power and to have a solid base. Aegon wishes to lead the charge. Too bad we won’t be seeing it happen until The Winds of Winter. Each chapter now is doubly depressing, knowing that it’s likely the last time we will hear from a character for years. It sucks to be caught up, I liked knowing there was always another book just waiting for me.

The Spurned Suitor 793

Sun, 16 Sep 2012 17:03:34 -0400

Silly Quentyn, you should listen to Barristan the Bold.

So he wants to steal a dragon. If he tries this he will end up a smoking pile of bones. The Tattered Prince will help, in exchange for Pentos. They’re both all talk and none of it’s going to turn out like they plan. This story better reach a satisfactory resolution in this book. I don’t want any of that cliffhanger shit when it comes to dragons and Dany.

The Discarded Knight 783

Sun, 09 Sep 2012 14:40:01 -0400

Things are not looking good in Meereen. Not that they ever really did, but in the aftermath of Drogon’s attack it seems like we are on the verge of a total meltdown. Hizdahr has taken over as king, though he proves to be a big pussy by doing pretty much nothing when he is presented with the head of one of the hostages he had given away to assure peace during the opening of the fighting pits. A dude was killed in the craziness of the whole thing, likely by his own people, so the Yunkai answer this by beheading a respected general. Fucking hell.

They head out for some counseling, leaving Barristan behind with Quentyn and crew. QBall is still sour about not being able to marry Dany, but as Selmy points out there was never a pact for their marriage, so man up and stop whining. Also, he wisely advises that they get out of Meereen NOW, because without Dany around to protect them and a jealous king sitting on the throne, if they remain it will not be for very long.

Jon 769

Sat, 08 Sep 2012 17:18:39 -0400

“Alfyn’s member was a wee thing, even smaller than yours, but he was never shy with where he stuck it. Had a son in every village, that one.” -Tormund Giantsbane

The wildlings are coming through the wall. Jon takes his hostages, and Tormund leads his thousands south. He may yet prove to be serious bad news, but he seems like a cool dude. You can always count on him to make a dick joke.

After all of that Jon gets some bad news, lots of ships and men lost at Hardhome. “And now my war begins…”

Tyrion 754

Sat, 08 Sep 2012 14:37:44 -0400

“You know how it is with queens. Fickle cunts, the lot of them, and Cersei is the worst.” -Tyrion Lannister

Finally he makes his move, escaping his dying master and presenting himself to Brown Ben Plumm. This was a bit risky since his head is worth a lordship, but Ben is smarter than to act quickly and harshly. As the imp tells him at the end of the chapter, he has a lot of talking to do, oh yes he does.

It also seems that he has forgotten about Tysha. I knew that was going nowhere, there’ no way he was going to find her, it all just seemed like pointless filler. A couple mentions, sure, but he would just not shut up about it for the first half of this book. I’m glad that it seems she is finally behind him, though now that I’ve said that I would not be surprised if she showed up, or maybe she’s a warg and is actually the pig he rides! or Penny!

The Iron Suitor 741

Fri, 07 Sep 2012 17:18:08 -0400

Oh yeah, Victorion still exists. They’ve had a rough journey, lost a lot of ships, a lot of men, and he’s got a nasty ass festering wound on his hand. The maester on board is some 23 year old teacher-type who seems way out of his league here. No matter, a Red Priest shows up, and he’s black. Not African black, not even Wesley Snipes black, but burned, charred black, if we are to believe the description. Hello Moqorro, long time no see. Anyway, he fixes Vic’s hand right up and has him kill the young maester to give them good winds to Meereen. He should get there just in time to not find Dany.

The Queensguard 730

Fri, 07 Sep 2012 14:38:33 -0400

“The worst were those who played the game of thrones.” -Barristan Selmy

It’s nice to get into the head of Selmy, I’ve always liked this guy. Proper and honorable, like old dead Ned. Rumors are swirling about Dany’s death but we readers know better. Well, I guess we don’t know FOR SURE, but come on, falling off of a dragon to her death off page? Please. It’s just a matter of when she’ll come back. Will she return to Meereen (probably), will she have gotten the other two dragons out of captivity (hopefully), will Tyrion and her baby cos be riding with her (probably not…yet), and when will it be (likely in one of the final chapters of the book)?

Poor Strong Belwas is on death’s door, having eaten all of those apparently poisoned honey locusts, which were meant for Dany. As expected her hubby just wants to be king, and as soon as they married he start carrying out his plot to kill her.

He has to decide just how to proceed at this point. He is not welcomed onto the kingsguard, but still has sway with the Unsullied, Dothraki and all of them. This is more of an update chapter than an action one, letting us know the aftermath of Drogon’s attack (over 200 dead) and setting Barristan up as an inside POV for this location while Dany is out. Looking forward to hearing more from him.

Cersei 717

Thu, 06 Sep 2012 17:19:47 -0400

I guess it’s nice to hear from her again. She’s still in her cell, and going a bit crazy. She finally decides to “confess” to the high septon, who doesn’t seem thrilled with her but I guess he’s happy to get a confession anyway. They put her into a much nicer cell after this, and don’t wake her up all night. They even allow a visitor a day. First up, her uncle Kevan. He brings her up to speed on what’s going on in court, basically all of her enemies are in positions of power, sad trombone. And he tells her about her one-eared daughter, and that Jaime is off somewhere with Brienne. But worst of all, Cersei will be put on trial for a big list of crimes, including inscest and deicide (ordering someone to kill the high septon counts as killing a god, it would seem). The Faith seems happy to have Tommen sit on the throne, and certainly don’t want that R’hllor worshipping Stannis on the Iron Throne, so I’m not sure why they’re pushing this inscest charge. Anyway, Kevan also tells her about how Arys died which means there is room for a new member of the Kingsguard! And we all know who it’s gonna be right? ZOMBIEGREGORRRRRRRR. This is one of the best bits of news in the whole book. We better not have to wait until The Winds of Winter to see her trial by combat.

Jon 700

Thu, 06 Sep 2012 14:37:15 -0400

The black brothers are still not pleased about the wildlings being allowed to pass, but a lord commander’s gotta do what a lord commander’s gotta do. ON the surface it seems like Jon is being weak, but he really has the realms’ best interest at heart. Like he said before, every body north of the wall when the others show up is guaranteed to come attacking.

His deal with Tormund seems like it should hold, Jon has 100 wildling boys as hostages/squires to keep Giantsbane and his crew in check. Sure the wildlings are supposed to be “the bad guys”, but Mel and Jon seem to be the only ones who truly grasp the fact that they need to unite against a common enemy. The rest will get there eventually, we just need a few chapters to show how much they hate the wildlings and in hindsight how forward thinking and smooth Jon really is. He is the son of Eddard Stark after all, as he likes to say every chapter or so. OR IS HE????